Recently, I finished the Abhorsen trilogy by Garth Nix (Sabriel, Lirael, and Abhorsen). It
is a brilliant series (which everyone should read), and he is a great writer.
In the beginning of Abhorsen,
there is a passage where Nix describes the armor that Lirael puts on. Rather
than the typical, boring, step-by-step recitation I’ve encountered in other
fantasy novels, it is an interesting description that created the true feeling
of putting on the armor. I could feel the weight of each article as if I were putting
them on myself. The passage doesn’t describe that many pieces of equipment, but
because Nix took his time with each, it feels like each one is important, and
we know exactly why.
This passage is more than just beautiful description; it
demonstrates an important thing for writers to learn: choosing the right place
for description is crucial, and this passage is carefully placed.
It is near the beginning of the book, so we don’t have the
opportunity to imagine whatever we will in place of what she’s actually
wearing. It is in a situation where Lirael is taking her time and thinking
about what she’s doing. Her contemplation translates into the narrative,
allowing for the slower pace. In the wrong place, a passage like this one could
be like running into a brick wall, like having a period where a semi-colon should
be (sorry; I’m a grammar geek). But where it is, it’s amazing.
Another problem with description placement that comes up frequently
is not having enough detail where it is needed. Some people write as little
description as possible in order to let their reader “fill it in” themselves.
But that’s just as bad as the brick wall. Instead of seeing a fleshed out
world, readers find themselves in a blank slate akin to the world that the “Other
Mother” inhabits in Coraline.
Beyond the boundaries of the Other Mother’s garden, the world is
white and empty. Coraline walks only a short distance before coming back to the
house she had left behind her. An under-described world feels like that blank
space. The characters are walking through nothingness. It’s even worse if the
characters aren’t properly described—how can I understand a story when I don’t
even know what the character looks like?
Description has to have balance. In fast-paced scenes, there
probably won’t be much or we’ll hit that brick wall. In slower ones, you can
put in a lot more, and if you don’t, you’ll end up with the Other Mother.
